What Are You Attached To?
By Nina Kaufman, Esq.About a month ago, I was having coffee with my friend and colleague, Elisa Balabram, founder of WomenandBiz.com, and author of “Ask Others/Trust Yourself.” What started as a general discussion about business soon took a turn into Buddhist philosophy . . . by way of a wedding dress.
Over the summer, I totally purged my closets. Got rid of just about every gizmo and appliance that I never use (including antiquated cellphones), bottles of liquor that I don’t intend to drink (never liked grappa), and clothes that no longer fit (too many in that category for my liking). As for my wedding dress, it was (and is) gorgeous, a Romona Kevesa Greek goddess-like creation, made of silk charmeuse that flowed like a 1930s movie star when I walked around in it. I love the dress. Love how I felt in it–elegant and special. Loved being “Queen for a Day.” Loved being a goddess.
I know I’ll never wear the dress again. I have no interest in saving it for my daughter, who has yet to be conceived, much less born. And living in NYC, physical space is at a premium. So I listed the dress on PreOwnedWeddingDresses.com, and had a grand total of 0–that’s right, zero–nibbles.
That’s when Elisa sagely counseled me on the Buddhist principle of attachment. When we grasp too tightly to something, we restrict the natural flow of things. Part of me didn’t want to let go of the dress because . . . I had nothing else to replace it with. Nothing else to help me feel like a goddess. So in my way, I was “holding on” to something that no longer served me because I couldn’t see something better coming my way.
I started thinking about the way I’ve done that to myself in business, too. For years, I tried to be all things to all people in my law practice. Gradually, I stopped trying to do everything, and honed my practice to focus on entrepreneurs and small business owners. But that got me only just so far. Only when I let go of being a generalist and really started to focus on business partnerships, my practice really took off. But I needed to “let go” of the old way of thinking, of the fear that not enough would come along if I chose this new path.
In other words, I had to become detached. Not that I didn’t care about the outcome, but that I didn’t worry about the outcome. As Dan Palotta of Harvard Business Review points out: worry isn’t work. Worrying about the situation doesn’t change it.
Where are you attached to doing things the same way in your business? Is there something you’re afraid to (or resisting) change?
Let me know. In the meantime, I’m going to tweak my wedding dress listing so that the dress will find a happy home with someone else. For the right price.
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